Preface: I absolutely love blogging. I have always loved writing so it’s a natural progression for me. But I am also inconsistent. I thought of this series and figured it’d be a great way to keep myself writing at least once a week. So here we go!
Lesson #1: Solutions to life’s biggest problems will not become clear overnight. Or even in a matter of a few weeks. They take time.
I am struggling with immense homesickness. I miss knowing every street. I miss being able to walk around the lake at 1am with no fear, knowing every inch of the surrounding park. I miss being able to watch HGTV at home with my mom. I miss doing wild shit with my best friends of 12 years. I miss the everyday moments that are now 2,000 miles away from me.
My fiance loves California (where we currently live). He has a great job, loves the outdoor elements and amazing weather, and some of his family lives here.
We keep going back and forth about staying or moving. We are so opposite in this argument it is virtually impossible to reach any common ground. We recently started going to pre-marital counseling, and it has been a huge help. Last week, after our appointment, I felt so hopeless. We had spent the last hour going around in circles about why moving home to Georgia would be smart and on his end, why staying in California is. I wanted to take the argument home with us, fighting tooth and nail until we resolved it. That’s just my nature (I have serious anxiety and I am also argumentative). But last week, after the dust settled, I realized that this issue will take months if not years to figure out the best course of action. These things take time and I need to be patient and rational.
Lesson #2: Being social is extremely hard and I need to find the balance between pushing myself to branch out and staying true to what makes me happy.
I’ll be the first to admit, making new friends is hard. At times, I don’t even want to. I’m pretty content in my loneliness- I am an introvert by nature, and I have extremely close bonds back home in Georgia. Why bother making new friends here? Last week, my fiance’s hairdresser invited us both to join her and her friend on a hike. I was hesitant initially. I would’ve preferred to hike with just Austin, not having to worry about what I said, did or if they liked me. But we went, and it was good for me. Despite being the most miserable hike of my life (the sole of my shoe ripped off in the first five minutes and I hiked the whole 6 miles with a broken shoe, getting massive blisters), I am proud I pushed to try to meet new people.
Lesson #3: Just because someone has lashed out at you does not mean they hate you, or even that you did anything wrong. Sometimes, anger is directed at the wrong source. You can’t let that taint how you view a person.
I have been scared of someone on my team at work for months. She has gotten very upset with me in the past, despite how hard I’ve worked to live up to her expectations. I have talked to others about this and they do not think I am deserving of the anger and stress being directed towards me. But that does not mean she’s an awful person. There could be many factors impacting her that have nothing to do with me. People have SO much going on in their lives that we know nothing about. You can’t immediately associate someone’s treatment of you with yourself, often times it can be completely independent of you.
I learned some fantastic lessons last week, and hope that this week brings even more enlightenment!