Adulthood is chaotic and messy.

I need to rant about how stressed out I’ve been for the last few months.

It feels like every time I check something off of my to-do list, I think of 10 other things that need to get done. Every time I accomplish something, I know there’s so much more to do.

I am trying to be the best employee, daughter, sister, granddaughter, fiance, and friend I possibly can. I am trying to pursue my passions such as photography and painting and exploring cool places. I am trying to begin planning a wedding, host visitors at our place from out of town, make new friends, maintain the friendships I have, get better at cooking, keep our apartment clean…. it just feels hopeless. There is never a day where I feel 100% at ease, where I don’t see more tasks looming on the horizon.

I just need a break.

And the crazy part is, I took time off this month. For the first time in 2018. I went to Disneyland on my birthday with co-workers, I went to Vegas for a weekend, I went to Big Sur and camped for 4 days.. which were all incredibly fun and exciting adventures. But I am overwhelmed and need a sense of calm and normality.

I need to breathe. I need to realize I will never have it all under control.

I have so many good things going for me right now. I don’t want to be consumed by stress anymore. I want to feel every moment and realize that no matter how daunting reality feels, no matter how busy/hectic life gets, no matter how “messy” or “behind” I feel….. life will go on. And I will be ok.

If I don’t call all my family members every week, they won’t think I don’t love and appreciate them. If I don’t text everyone back, they won’t assume it’s because I don’t value their friendship. If the laundry piles up so high that I can barely carry it, I will still be ok.

This post may have been a dumb one for readers, but for me, it feels so good to get this feeling written down. And that’s the whole point of a blog, right?

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