I have always hated this about myself. I can be having a great day, feeling confident and happy, and one little thought or statement can change the entire course of the afternoon.
For example, today. I called my dad to ask him what I should do when I receive a phone call from the company I am hoping to work for, if they offer me the position. We went through it all, and he asked if I was still applying other places and searching for opportunities. Truth be told, I’m not. I have become engrossed in hoping that I will get this job, and hit the brakes on finding other options. I put all my eggs in this basket.
Here’s what got me. I told him that I felt confident that I would get the job, and he said that as someone who has had to do a lot of hiring in his career, that just because a candidate does a great job does not mean that someone else didn’t do better.
The anxiety and fear and sadness instantly came over me. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that ever since. Have I fallen in love with a company that hasn’t fallen for me? Has someone else knocked their interview with them out of the park, has someone else stood out more, done better? There is nothing I can do about that and it kills me. I just have to hope that I impressed them and that I did good enough to be given this chance.
If I don’t get this job, I will be absolutely crushed. I will be devastated. I don’t even know how I will be able to cope with that rejection, while living 2,000 miles from home with very few friends or connections. How will I be able to keep pushing forward if I take that fall?
(grey foggy beach picture to match the mood)